The Domain: DisneyAustin?

I can't make up my mind about The Domain. You know, the shopping center. What's that? You thought it was in Dallas? Well I don't blame you.

The Domain is located at roughly Braker and Burnet here in AUSTIN, and strikes a balance somewhere between The Truman Show and DisneyWorld. It's an outdoor mall that I think is going for "European," yet insists to be "the best of Austin." Here's the blurb from the website:

"Thanks to incomparable cuisine, diverse local artists, and eclectic shopping, Austin is known as one of the most unique destinations in the country. The Domain is bringing the best of Austin to one single, urban location."

Hmm. I don't know about that, Domain. Most Austinites probably wouldn't name Macy's, Starbucks, or - shocking! - California Pizza Kitchen as "the best of Austin." I think Stacy P. over at Yelp Austin stated it best:

"We stopped in yesterday to go to Z Gallerie, big mistake, huge mistake. I was dressed in flip flops and shorts and kept getting the dirty stink eye from everyone dressed to the fucking nines to GO TO THE MALL. Seriously, peeps were dressed for the club with heels, huge designer bags, little pooches with sweaters on and huge sunglasses. This place makes me sick."

Haha. Let's be friends, Stacy P.?

So today I stopped by The Domain for lunch - don't hate, it's close to my job - with the express purpose of going to Oakville Grocery. Oakville is supposed to be this little Napa/Sonoma-like grocer, and sometimes, they have samples of cheese and chocolate and other silly/yummy stuff. Only today - why today, I saw no cheese. Instead I saw something entirely different.

First, it was the bolted doors. Abandoned napkin dispensers. Dusty windows and bare, scratched-up floors. And finally...the shaming little eviction notice, plastered in the front door. Apparently, Oakville stopped paying their property rent, and got their Napa ass kicked out.

Now, whatever company that's developing The Domain is bling-bling rich. It stretches several blocks, and not only is there shopping, but gyms and "parks" and apartments - like the suburbs, only with a pretend urban atmosphere.

But in this economy, will we see more evicted properties at The Domain?

Maybe I'll be sad to see Kona Grill go - we do happy hour there from time to time, and I think their sushi is alright. But Domain, maybe take one from Austin Bergstrom Airport's playbook, and incorporate the city's existing businesses?

Food Experiment #1 + Austin in Miami

Hi everyone.

I want to welcome you all to Food Experiment #1. Remember the game rules? Well if not, my 4-ingredient, 5-minute prep veggie burger tacos are the jumping-off point in ease and deliciousness. I can make these in my sleep, and have since grad school. So now, I want more easy and delicious things (which yield the added benefit of warding off soy toxicity since veggie burgers are, in my personal diet, taking more of a backseat. Figuratively speaking. Wouldn't it be funny if veggie burgers actually took backseats?)

Today, I present to you: "Pizza" and O-rape Juice!

These items are brought to you by R., my husband, and my lovely friend from high school, Courtney DiSabato. Thanks guys!

Ok, let's start with "Pizza" first. Ready?

INGREDIENTS = 6

PREP + COOK TIME = 15

As you can see, the ingredients for "Pizza" are simple. I didn't even have to go shopping for these. We (thanks to veggie burger tacos) happened to have all of the essential ingredients already: tortillas, tomato sauce, feta, soy cheese, spinach, and tomato.

I preheated the oven to 375 degrees, and got out the Pyrex glass baking thing. Cake dish? I wouldn't know! Just kidding - I actually did make R. a carrot cake with it...once. Anyway, back to the task at hand: "Pizza" is fortunately pretty intuitive.

Bread + sauce + cheese + toppings

Put in oven and bake for 10 minutes. Donezo.


It looks pretty, right? (And are you noticing how the plate matches the spinach?) The only prep involved was cutting up tomato slices, which, had an actual grocery store trip been involved, would have been replaced by sundried tomato pieces I think.

So the verdict: pretty yummy flavor combo, with the provolone soy cheese and feta cheese on there. But texture-wise and falling apart-ness, I may have to tweak this one a little bit. Namely in the "crust" department. (I think the "crust" may be the whole catalyst behind the ironic punctuation marks in "Pizza." Tomato sauce, cheese and vegetables are things you would actually use in a pizza, but not a tortilla, and that's the experiment part of this, see).

I thought "Pizza" might pair well with an R. classic, O-rape Juice.

INGREDIENTS = 2

PREP TIME= 2?

Behold:

O-rape was born of Ross's two favorite juices: orange and grape. It's the wholesomeness of OJ with the sexiness of wine's close cousin, grape juice. Isn't that fantastic?

Next up next week: We're thinking a yogurt Food Experiment. And then we're fresh out of ideas. Thoughts?

Lastly: Austin, Texas has invaded Miami, Florida y'all! Check out my friend Jenny Adams' awesome feature article about our city at the Miami Herald. It's a round-up of the three coolest upscale, middle-of-the-road, and dark dive bars downtown. Can you guess this one?

"The bar is carved from a massive tree, and in the upstairs private dining room, guests can sip underneath a skylight and the glow from the Frost Bank building. Request a Phaedra cocktail. Created by in-house mixologist Ben Craven, it's muddled kiwi, light rum, dry vermouth, Lillet Blanc and Kaffir lime syrup, shaken and served up for $8. The best day to attend is Monday when Happy Hour runs all day."

I believe I'll be paying you a visit soon, Mr. Craven.

Lessons from today

1. Need to start going to bed earlier. A fact that became startlingly clear when I put my bra on backwards.

2. Walking around with an adorable new puppy is essentially a public service. My friend Kelly's dog, Piper, had her face rubbed by approximately 15 strangers tonight in Hyde Park in the span of roughly two hours. It's a socially acceptable thing to do that doesn't require permission, really; it's a puppy, and we're compelled to touch it. Facts of life people.

3. It's time to answer the truly pressing question: what am I going to do with all that junk that's in my trunk? Because yesterday, the trunk bumped into a poor woman holding hot coffee, causing it to spill it all over her lap.

4. While I love Nancy Pelosi, I'm not sure I will love her new book, because it sounds a little boring.

5. Death is always a little weird, but especially when it happens to someone your own age, and you happen to be in your 20s. Like Heather. Heather McGaughey was a girl in my grade at my tiny college, Southwestern University. She passed three years ago, and I never knew her well, but I think about her so often. Her personality was one that throws into stark contrast the "living" versus "non-living" dichotomy, precisely because she was so lively, vivacious, loud and charming. She was an actress, after all. I envied her during my first literature class at Southwestern, because she always said smart things, and I envied her even more when I saw her perform on stage.

So, Heather, here it is. I really, really miss you.

Sometimes, I forget how thankful I am for the Feminist Movement.

I've just started watching Mad Men, y'all.



Apparently, our friend Jason knows someone in the cast - Jason, is it the second dude from the right? - but I've just caught on because of the whole 1,000 Emmy nominations thing everyone's talking about (it's actually more like 13).

For those of you who are catching on late, like me: The year is 1960. The heart of the show is an ad firm where all these guys work - and so do the ladies, as secretaries and office managers. Well, the woman pictured here, at least - the other women are little June Cleavers, taking care of the kids at home.

1950s-early 1960s culture was always a quaint spectre in my overall childhood development - I adored I Love Lucy, and I watched the hell out of some Nick at Nite: I Dream of Jeanie and Bewitched in particular. I'm wondering now if those shows were so funny to their original viewing audiences because they featured women at the helm. A woman, calling the shots?! Hilarious!!

Now granted, these were women dressed up in bimbos genie outfits, or accidentally getting drunk off Vitameatavegamin a la Lucy Ricardo, but still - women. As the main characters. The ones we're watching, the ones setting the terms of the show.

Back to Mad Men: The reason (one of the reasons) everyone loves it is because it's so damn realistic. And that goes for the man/woman relationships. For anyone like me, who grew up in the 1980s, decade of equal pay and shoulder pads, when Dad and Mom picked up their briefcases and went to work, it is fascinating to see how women were treated just twenty-thirty years prior. Like...seriously? Men could just stare at your ass in the elevator, and openly say things like, "well boys: sure am enjoying the view!" Or, your doctor could call you a "strumpet" (i.e. "slut") for requesting contraceptives?

With the advent of second-wave Feminist Movement firmly about 40 years behind us (first one: suffrage! You go, Susan B. Anthony), I don't think I ever fully appreciated what those ladies did for us. Sure, my jaw dropped when I took my first Feminist Studies class in college - you mean, almost every movie is filmed with the male gaze?! - but, I also never had a true point of reference. My doctor never called me a, uh, "strumpet." And - you're going to love this - I remember being in an English class in college, where some girl, a girl I really admire, who is now married to a semi-famous writer, turned her paper in with her own menses smeared on it. Deliberately. I think to make a point about female subjectivity...or something. And the professor didn't bat an eye.

So, Betty Friedan, Helene Cixous, Luce Irigaray, Carol Hanisch - thank you. Thank you for not only making it ok for my friend to turn in her English paper with menses smeared on it, but thank you for making housewifery optional. Bras too. For questioning the ways men and women talk to each other. For making it ok for ladies to stare at men's asses and enjoy the view. Daughters of the 80s, we take this stuff for granted. At least I know I do.

Lastly - Christina Hendricks. "Joan Holloway" on Mad Men. Wow, right?

Everything in excess

Hi, Kenneth Turan. I heartily agree with your summation that perhaps Mamma Mia! got a little out of control with the dance numbers, the singing, the general downpour of estrogen. But you know what - not to advance tired stereotypical gender differences here - but you, sir, found it pretty freaking awesome in The Dark Knight that they managed to flip over an entire 18-wheeler and got it to look even better than a CGI trick, right? Here's what you said:

"Nolan and Pfister have actually upped the ante by filming six of the film's action sequences, including the remarkable flipping of an 18-wheel, 40-foot tractor-trailer, with a 65-millimeter Imax camera, meaning that they have an extra sharpness when shrunken to fit into a 35mm print."

And I agree - totally badass! But the ladies I spoke with don't remember the 18-wheeler. The things that are memorable to girls tend to be things like, well, Meryl Streep jumping up and down on a bed:



Like she did in Mamma Mia! So I'm just saying. Right on with your film reviews - both of them, The Dark Knight and Mamma Mia!, and, full disclosure, I have a worn-out copy of your book Never Coming to a Theatre Near You - but I'm compelled to point out that sometimes men and women take away different things from different films. Is all.

Ok so guys, I don't know if Pierce Brosnan is supposed to be the most hilarious part of this movie or what, but I have never laughed so hard in my life as I did at him belting it out to a synthesized, ABBA-approved soundtrack. Harder, in fact, than watching Richard Gere tap-dance for Chicago. Do y'all remember that? Think that level of ridiculousness x 50. Pierce Brosnan, you stole my heart! For the man who always plays it cool - way to haul out your cheese. Brava!

My rec? Ladies - and only the ladies who get a kick out of big, frothy wedding movies - go see it. Together. It's not a date movie. For boy-girl hetero couples, anyway - I think Jeff, Jon, and Eddy (all gay) would sincerely love it. Boys, do you?

And one last thing - there is nothing Meryl Streep can't do, I've decided. Dinner with one person in the world? For me - it's her. Love you lady.

Food Experiments + Mamma Mia

Hi hi hi.

So, last night, right after R. and I had just gotten home from a big grocery store trip at Le Heb, I'm dutifully arranging the 4 ingredients I use to make 80% of my meals when R. says "woman, we need to learn you some new recipes."


And I've been thinking - maybe he's right.

You see the lettuce, veggie burger, tortillas, and pasta sauce there? I compile those 4 things almost every morning and most nights to make my favorite, veggie burger tacos!

Isn't that sad? You can just tell that a grad student came up with that. But after two years since I invented it - groggily, before Victorian lit. seminar, after we had run out of coffee at home and these were the only ingredients in the refrigerator - it's still pretty good. Tasty, really.

But I think it might be time to explore the exciting world lying just beyond the texturized soy protein horizon. Such as fish? Fruits? Vegetables? Dare to dream!

So I'm starting a weekly segment here called "Food Experiments." I'm actually a pretty healthy gal - just lazy. R. is definitely the cook in this household. Our roomate Caleb wanders in and makes a frozen pizza from time to time, so there's that, and I just showed you the only thing I know how to make. It's time, as R. wisely instructed, to learn me some more.

The reason behind the veggie burger tacos' undeniable staying power is that they are so freaking easy: 4 ingredients, 5 minutes, BREAKFAST! (Has anyone ever heard of the book A Man, A Can, A Plan? If so you can see where I'm going with this). I want Food Experiments to have roughly the same criteria as the tacos: let's set the bar low. If there is "prep" involved, then, no. Ix-nay on the julienning of tomatoes. Negatory on woven pie crusts. The beauty of writing restaurant reviews is that you can pay the real geniuses to do stuff like that for you. While Food Experiments, on the other hand, will be just that - hey, let's put these 4 things together and see if they taste good. Let's spend 5 minutes doing it. Ready? Ok go.

So I'll try to think of something easy and fun next week to share. And if you guys have any "Food Experiments" - remember, minimal ingredients and prep time people - I am all ears.

Moving on - I'm going to see Mamma Mia tomorrow night!



It's been quite the movie week. It's Steph's birthday on Friday, and we work north, so we're going to Manuels at the Arboretum and then onto Regal Arbor Great Hills for the 8:00 of Mamma. Let's check in with the critics, shall we?

From the esteemed Kenneth Turan, at the Los Angeles Times:

"In the transition to film the "Mamma Mia!" brain trust just couldn't resist overloading the story with unneeded improvements. Lured by the siren song of a Hollywood budget, they allowed themselves to be fooled into thinking that bigger -- more singers! more dancers! more bad jokes! -- would automatically be better. It's not necessarily so."

The bottom line? He gave it a C, y'all!

But lest we forget, there's Meryl Streep. So it can't really fail as a movie, now can it? I'll offer my thoughts soon.

The Dark Knight, Secret Diary, and holy shit - Greek Yogurt

Alright everyone, I've given a lot of thought to The Dark Knight, and what I'd like to tell you about it. I'm going to start with this quote as a jumping-off point:

"Do I really look like a man with a plan, Harvey? I don't have a plan. The mob has plans, the cops have plans. You know what I am, Harvey? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one. I just do things. I'm a wrench in the gears. I hate plans. Yours, theirs, everyone's. Maroni has plans. Gordon has plans. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I am not a schemer. I show schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are."

-The Joker, The Dark Knight

The Joker is explaining here to Gotham City's "white knight," district attorney Harvey Dent, why he is so maniacal. His whole aversion to "plans" - or "rules," as he soapboxes elsewhere in the movie - reminded me of something deeply philosophical. And I've been thinking. Could The Joker be a Taoist?

Consider this, from Taoist collection Hua Hu Ching: The Unknown Teachings of Lao Tzu -

"So who can be still and watch the chess game of the world? The foolish are always making impulsive moves, but the wise know that victory and defeat are decided by something more subtle. They see that something perfect exists before any move is made."

I was intrigued by the idea of The Joker as a sloppy, animalistic drunk before I saw the movie - his messy make-up and unsteady swagger humanize him to a degree we never saw with Jack Nicholson's cartoony, showy (but also haunting) Joker. Now, I've shifted views somewhat, and it's largely due to this (perhaps BS) Taoist hypothesis. Does The Joker see something perfect, as Lao Tzu says? If so, is that why he "just wants to watch the world burn" - to quote another memorable line - because he envisions perfect destruction? Even before the rest of us make our moves?

I don't know how willing I am to pursue this theory - just putting it on the table. Thoughts?

In another Batman news - Christian Bale was arrested for assault on his mother and sister today? WTF?

Shifting gears violently - ok, let's talk about BBC's Secret Diary guys!!



I'm obsessed with this show, and make R. watch it with me whenever new ones come through on Showtime. It's about a London call-girl, and it's a little more cheesy than it is sexy. Don't get me wrong - there's plenty of sex - but for every bare nipple, there's 50 lines of self-affirming, my-name-is-Woman monologue. Let's take tonight's episode.

So the main character - Hannah, or "Belle" as her "clients" call her - gets a bad internet review regarding her, eh, services. Work suffers. Her clients drop off. But it's all resolved in the end, when her best guy friend/boy she's secretly in love with - a cute Adrian Brodyesque chap named Ben - writes a glowing anonymous report on the same website. I don't remember it verbatim, but it was something like, "Men looking for tramps need not apply. Men looking for a real lady: welcome. Belle is the best a man can get." This, read over a sassy Motown soundtrack, and Belle winking adorably into the camera.

R., needless to say, was silent. His glowering stare, however, had this to say: "s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y can we please watch Deadliest Catch??"

Lastly. Does anyone here eat Greek yogurt? Here's a picture:



This shit robs me of speech. Seriously. They sell it at Le Heb (Hancock Center H-E-B), Whole Foods, and Central Market - probably at Sun Harvest and Wheatsville too. If you get it, get the honey flavor, and try not to moan or shed a single tear of joy or do anything else embarrassing. I'm just saying, it's really really REALLY good.

"Why so serious?"

Moody, philosophical, and omg, Heath Ledger.

That's all I've got on The Dark Knight for now - more tomorrow.

The Dark Knight: The Preview

Guys, I could hardly be more excited: I'm going to go see The Dark Knight tonight at the Drafthouse!!

This movie is already a cultural phenomenon, and that by itself is an understatement. According to E! News, The Dark Knight broke money-making records as Hollywood's biggest opening day -- ever. Take that, recession.

Here's a sampling from the critics' circle. First is from my fave, Kenneth Turran at Los Angeles Times and NPR, where he is a frequent contributor:

"Christopher Nolan's powerful, disturbing Batman sequel is fueled by Heath Ledger's indelible Joker."

And from Manohla Dargis at the New York Times:

"Dark as night and nearly as long, Christopher Nolan’s new Batman movie feels like a beginning and something of an end. Pitched at the divide between art and industry, poetry and entertainment, it goes darker and deeper than any Hollywood movie of its comic-book kind."

And from my roomate Caleb, who just walked in from seeing it:

"It's fucking awesome. There are no expectations. You won't be able to predict what is going to happen next. And pay attention to Harvey Dent."

Thanks Caleb. Thoughts soon, ya'll.

Let's talk about Project Chanology.

I knew I had seen these masks before.

But I didn't know what they meant. Until tonight that is, with the help of South Park and Wikipedia.

So around February of this year, I was driving down Guadalupe. I can't remember where I was headed, but I do remember seeing a whole block of these people in front of the UT Campus, wearing freaky masks and holding posters. One of them was holding a poster that said, "Honk if you hate Xenu." They were standing across the street from the Church of Scientology, on Guadalupe and 22nd St.

Fast-forward: R. and I are watching an old South Park tonight, one (of the many) where they were ripping on Scientology. It's the one where everyone thinks Stan is the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard, and the like, President of Scientology or something walks Stan through Scientologist doctrine: you know, aliens, space ships, volcanoes, etc. Then a tagline appeared at the bottom of the screen that said, "This is what Scientologists actually believe."

Being the Wikipedia nerd I am, I jumped up and grabbed my laptop just to confirm it for myself. Here is a segment from the Wikipedia entry:

"75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and..."

...And do you really need to hear anything else? Well, ok:

"...and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today."

Well, I think that pretty much says it all. (Even so, I thought you should still see a Scientology video of the whole volcano thing. Yes, I found this through Austin's very own Scientology website.)

But what I wanted to tell you guys about was not Scientology, but Project Chanology.

So on that same Wikipedia article, I came across this intriguing sub-entry that said "Scientology and the Internet." I clicked on it, and there's a guy wearing one of those Guy Fawkes/V from V for Vendetta masks. Apparently, in January, February, and April of this year, a group dubbing themselves "Project Chanology" (an offshoot of the larger, more well-known group Anonymous) launched a world-wide protest against Scientology - including one right here in Austin, y'all!

I'm just really fascinated by the whole internet-organized global protest thing. This group is made up of people from at least - but not limited to - Berlin, Paris, Dublin, London, and AUSTIN. And in addition to the street protests, they apparently disabled Scientology's computer server, sent black faxes, and...RICKROLLED!!!

Guys! Project Chanology IS responsible for the "rickroll" phenomenon. You know, you get a link to a seemingly relevant site, click on it, and suddenly you're greeted by Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up." Why, I'm not entirely sure. It's connection to Scientology? Again: fuzzy. If everyone's figured this out already and I'm just now catching on - sorry. But I'm going to sit here and be pumped for a minute, now that I've discovered the origin of rickrolling. Whoa!

Ok, so. Project Chanology's last big public demonstration was June 2008, in a protest involving pirate costumes. Again...pirates? What? Does it matter? All I know is: It's not the last protest. And as a matter of fact, here locally, more stuff is going down this summer.

Music to my mouth

What's the word when you aren't starving, but your mouth aches for a certain flavor, a singular texture, a just-ripe-enough banana or perhaps just-melty enough cone of cookies n' cream ice cream? Oh yeah: a CRAVING.

Guys, I don't know what the deal is (and nope, not pregnant), but I can't stop thinking about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches lately. Isn't that weird? I used to have the best job about two years ago working at this local daycare Habibi's Hutch, where every day at lunch, the two-year-olds would take literally two bites of their Danimals yogurt and leave. Who needs lunch when there is a sprinkler five feet away from you, just sitting there?

The teachers, like the broke vultures we were, would then descend on the kids' untouched Animal Crackers, Pirate Booty, and PB&J's. Omigod, so good. You didn't even have to bring your own lunch! This is Austin, and hippie Austin parents pack awesome stuff for lunch: I saw organic hummus and tabouli twice as often as I saw a Lunchable. (And now that I think about it - did I ever see a Lunchable? Do kids eat those anymore? Are they "cool?" I can't tell).

I'm thinking of going to the H-E-B at Hancock Center right now (11pm on a Wednesday) for the express purpose of buying peanut butter. Until I do though, let's talk about some cravings y'all. R. is totally into rolling his own cigarettes now. I used to be freaking obsessed with sweet potatoes (beta carotene deficiency?). What are yours?

My top 5 include:

5. Tomato-and-basil veggie burgers from Morningstar
4. The salad bar at Whole Foods. Yes the whole thing. Went there today for lunch, in fact.
3. Chilango margaritas at El Chile - spicy and orange-y and heavenly
2. Feta cheese (what?)
1. Salty oat cookies at Quacks (don't hate y'all - I know the salt part sounds weird - just go try one and you'll FREAK).

Sadly, I can't go to another grocery store right now, though - as I was telling you guys about my dumb cravings, another cat invaded our house and is walking around like he owns the place! Claudia (our kitty) is all puffy-tailed and pissed, so it appears I've got a situation to take care of.

Like paintbrush, only 50 times better

I can't stop playing with Bomomo. It's a website where you too can make gorgeous, gorgeous, original art work just like this. You're welcome! Now go play.

The eminent wisdom of Nick Hornby on e-books, also, Jesse Jackson is going to cut your nuts off

Hi guys.

So, when faced with the task of telling you about either:

A) Last Saturday night, in which I drunkenly gave a "shout-out" live on Hot 93.3 FM to R., Kim, several other people standing around me at Sky Lounge, and lastly to myself (as in, a shout-out from Tolly, to Tolly, all on the radio, and yes I've always wanted to get a "shout-out," never have, so I took matters into my own hands, thank you very much and thank you, DJ Boogie!), OR,

B) The state of the electronic book industry,

I decided I'd skip both and make a compromise: I'll let Nick Hornby tell you about the state of the electronic book industry! Oh just sit back down. I'll also include a brief aside into Jesse Jackson cutting people's nuts off. Happy?

Alright, so I work with books for a living. That being said, I have been vaguely curious about Amazon's dogged commitment to their new invention, the Kindle, which is sort of like an iPod for books. Here's what it looks like:



There are other models from other companies, too - but it's all the same idea. An electronic device you can download e-books, newspapers, magazines, etc. onto. Would you ever buy this? (Those of you who read, I mean?) Well, Nick Hornby decidedly will not:

"There is currently much consternation in the book industry about the future of the conventional book, but my suspicion is that it will prove to be more tenacious than the CD, for the following reasons:
1) Readers of books like books, whereas music fans never had much affection for CDs. Vinyl yes, CDs no. They are too small for interesting cover art and legible lyrics, the cases break easily, and despite all promises to the contrary, they are extremely easy to break and scratch. Books have remained consistently lovable for several hundred years now. For readers, a wall lined with books is as attractive as any art we could afford to put up there.
2) Ebook readers have a couple of disadvantages when compared to MP3 players. The first is that, when we bought our iPods, we already owned the music to put on it; none of us owns ebooks, however. The second is that so far, Apple is uninterested in designing an ebook reader, which means that they don’t look very cool.
3) We don’t buy many books – seven per person per year, a couple of which, we must assume, are presents for other people.
4) Book lovers are always late adaptors, and generally suspicious of new technology."

Read the rest here.

Gospel, right?

Nick makes strong points especially about books being lovable - an old, beat-up copy of Catcher in the Rye is 50 times more magical than a PDF file of the same, no?- and book lovers being late adaptors. Think about it: how many of you (again, those who read) own both a tall, fully-stocked bookcase, as well as a Wii Fit? Exactly. Two different demographics. Book lovers pride ourselves on the appearance of having classic tastes of which cutting-edge gadgets tend to not be a part. We are also lazier.

Switching subjects violently - you know who's not lazy? Jesse Jackson, damn!

I saw the clip like you did, guys - Jesse whispering about Barack talking down to black voters - but I caught on late and just now TODAY saw/heard the cutting off nuts part. Reverend, sir! Jesus would hardly condone that behavior. What would, in fact, he do? Spare Barack's nuts!

I'm sorry...I'm still laughing about this. Mostly because R. just asked, "You think he'll actually do it?"

No matter what

I love my parents. Sorry for the Hallmark, but they really are two of my best buddies. Here's why.

So, earlier this year, my mom - a pharmaceutical rep for Novo Nordisk - entered this national competition where, if she signed more diabetes drugs than anyone else in the company, she got this ridiculous prize. (For those not versed in pharmaceutical lingo, "signing drugs" is what happens when a doctor decides to add your drug to his roster of prescriptions. I know - in any other context the phrase "signing drugs" would be a lot more interesting, right?) Well...she won. She signed more diabetes drugs than anyone else nation-wide. Isn't that crazy?! My mom's not a hyper-crazy sales type of person either - just a really sweet woman. With excellent cheekbones.

Anyway, the prize - you're going to love this - is a 2-minute race through a warehouse, filled with flat-screen TV's, cell phones, cameras, jewelry, a motorcycle (!), computers...you name it. Yes, exactly like Supermarket Sweep. She gets 5 minutes to walk through, "chart her course," then heads back to start and goes for it. Flatbed in tow.

Well, this was pretty much the most exciting thing that could have ever happened to my dad. He was planning strategy before Mom even won, and when she did, they hopped in a car to Sam's Club and practiced with a timer and a flatbed (Dad's idea).

So before the race (it happened two Saturdays ago) Dad submitted a list to Mom of things he would like. Namely a flat screen TV. Mom - again, sweetest, most selfless soul ever - didn't really want much for herself, except maybe a GPS because (like her daughter) she's always getting lost. But for me and R., she had an excellent idea: two brand new Mac laptops!

On the day of the race - are you ready? - a bus freaking pulls up to Mom and Dad's hotel, drives them to the warehouse, and there is a marching band, guys, waiting outside. What else? The Minnesota Vikings cheerleaders! And a high-five line, after she got off the bus!!

Alright, so my mom does the race, rocks it, but unfortunately - no laptops. In the warehouse. Oh well. But being the crafty gal she is, Mom snatches three flatscreen TV's, thinking she'll hawk two and use the money to buy laptops for R. and I. I know! So nice! (and sorta gangsta!)

So all of that background leads us to our conversation on the phone this morning. Mom is explaining that one of the laptops has come in already, and she and Daddy are trying to figure out which model they should order next. Now my parents, like R. and I, aren't exactly computer model geniuses - "Mac" and "PC" pretty much sum it up - but Daddy, the typical daughter's father, ney, the typical ONLY CHILD's father, had this to say about it:

"No matter what, Tolly gets the better one."

Sorry R. Weren't born a Moseley? You snooze, you lose.

I'm coming, Savannah

OH you guys - I'm so excited! R. and I are going to Savannah, Georgia in exactly a month. He got the tickets this week. I have always wanted to go to Savannah, ever since I read (then saw the movie) Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Have you guys read that book? No? Go read it!

I am envisioning big hats, iced tea, wraparound porches, magnolia trees, peaches (?), and parasols. Am I close? I've never been. If you aren't from Texas, you probably think that's odd. I know my New England friends can just take a walk outside and oh! Look at that, I'm in a different state. Totally not like that here. Back when the U.S. invaded Iraq and was all pissed off at France, frat guys used to wear these moronic shirts that said "Texas is bigger than France!!" Which is...true. We are Gigantor. Territory-demarcation-wise, I mean.

So I live in the south but not The South, like antebellum south. I can hardly wait to go see it.

More ACL fun: White Denim!

So my long lost teacher friend, Mr. Steve, is going to play at ACL this year, y'all!



That's Mr. Steve on the right. Wonder if he remembers me now that he's big and famous. I remember reading in The Onion AV Club: Austin that White Denim was named "Band of the Year" for 2007, which is a pretty big freakin' deal in this town.

I want to tell you guys a story about Mr. Steve, in the hopes that you will all come see him at ACL this year. See, Mr. Steve and I used to be teachers in this after school art program here in Austin for 1st-5th graders called "C-Club" ("C" = "creativity"). We worked at Oak Hill Elementary, and one time, a sort of hapless kid named Jack accidentally threw one of those oddly-textured kickballs up into a tree. He didn't mean to do it, he was in the middle of a game, and was basically losing his sh-t. Like...choking on his own tears. Because his bouncy ball was gone. (And, P.S., Jack was seven, but I can think of many similar situations that felt as, if not more, grave. Like losing keys, or my whole car, when it's late and I'm sorta liquored up and can't find it...for example.) Poor little Jack.

So Mr. Steve valiantly (if not setting the best example) throws over a garbage can - full of garbage! - onto the ground and positions it upside-down underneath the tree. He then strides backwards, all stony-eyed, and makes a running leap for the top of it - it's at least a 4 ft. tall can. Now, I think what he meant to do was "stick the landing," calmly remove said kickball from the branches, and place it in Jack's waiting hands.

But instead.

Mr. Steve did make the top of the garbage can, which immediately and forcefully tipped over onto the dirt, like a face-plant. A face-plant for Mr. Steve and his huge thick glasses. Needless to say, he didn't get the ball.

The rest of the teachers were dying (in laughter), and poor little Jack cracked up, too. He forgot all about the dumb ball, then ran to the monkey bars, still giggling. Mr. Steve got up and brushed himself off.

I've always suspected he did it on purpose.

Beck has a new album, y'all

Beck will be headlining ACL (Austin City Limits Festival) this year, and his new album Modern Guilt dropped today. It is also Beck's birthday. Wanna guess how old he is? (Answer here).

I haven't heard the album, but I thought you all might like Austinist's review of it. What do we think?

"Produced by Danger Mouse (Gnarls Barkley) and featuring none other than Chan Marshall (Cat Power), Guilt oozes pop noir. Squeaking in at just 30 minutes, the album is a slight addition to Beck's library, but it's a finely-tuned stablemate: Danger Mouse ties up the loose ends that tend to be Beck's stumbling blocks, tightening up the collage approach that the artist has become famous for. The geek chic is still there, but there seems to be a new found focus on the transition."
(Read entire review at Austinist)

I don't know if any Beck album can dethrone Sea Change for me. I remember hearing "Paper Tiger" in some guy's dorm room during college and freaking out (in a good way). Come to think of it, this particular guy and I dated for almost 2 years afterwards. It's kind of a hot album, non?

Nick Hornby, Marc Summers, and the Wink

I felt a little mean and bitter for publicly chastising two whole demographics in Austin last week - douche bags and Hobby Lobby employees - so I wanted to tell you guys about someone I do like, for a change.



I've read most of Nick Hornby's books, although this is one is a little obscure. Doesn't it look like it came out in the 70s? (Try 2006. The publisher is hip little McSweeney's, headquartered in San Francisco, hence the coolly retro cover design). Anyway, it's a series of columns he wrote for the Believer about books and reading, all the while mocking the uber-pretentious staff at the Believer, but the subject matter's not important. Nick Hornby can write about pretty much anything as long as I get to hang out for a while, because he's so damn funny. Love you, Nick.

I was at the gym tonight reading Housekeeping Vs. The Dirt, laughing in such a way as to incur the envious sideways glances of my fellow elliptical exercisers, when someone flipped the overhead television channel to the Food Network.

Guys, do you remember Marc Summers? Double Dare? I remember when R. once told me Mark Summers had obsessive compulsive disorder, thinking, "cool. When's dinner?" Because the irony of Marc Summers' plight never struck me until tonight. Imagine: it's your job to work with cascading buckets of slime, and you have OCD. Does God hate you? When I saw his face forcibly grinning back at me from Food Network's Unwrapped - the show about candy factories, not as exciting as you'd think, not nearly as awesome as Double Dare - I saw, well maybe I'm imagining it. But I think I saw a little bit of Marc Summers' despair. "Help! I am obsessed with order and cleanliness, and someone's forcing me to host shows about slime and molten chocolate!!" Seriously, who's doing this to Marc?

Also at the gym - 24 Fitness at Hancock Center, by the way - there's a dude working the front desk who looks exactly like my sweet gay friend Jeff. His face and demeanor remind me so much of Jeff, in fact, that I've been pretending he is, sort of - exchanging little banter while he scans my card, waving goodbye when I leave the gym. But I think he's straight, not gay as I had hoped, because he's taken to flirting a bit (and R. - hi! - note the "he," not "we" in that sentence).

How do I know? I got a wink tonight. Jeff would never wink. Jeff's way too cool to wink, and besides, he would only do it to pretty boys if he was forced to.

This changes everything about Guy at Gym. Namely, his sexuality.

Hobby Lobby employees are a little dead inside

I have a question for you guys. Why are the employees at Hobby Lobby so pissed off? Specifically, the one on Lamar and 183. I went there yesterday to get supplies for one of these:



I know, cute right. You know how jewelry often ends up spread out on a dresser, on top of bills and old Pirates of the Caribbean ticket stubs and whatever? And you inevitably "lose" your favorite hoop earrings when they're really just tangled up in a bra? That's what this is supposed to stop. Thanks Martha!

Anyway, I'm at Hobby Lobby, where nothing is labeled. But that's alright. What's not alright is how mad they get when you ask them where stuff is. Take this exchange:

"Hi! Could you tell me where wooden shadow boxes are?"

"All of our shadow boxes are with frames."

"Great. Where are the frames?"

(Dramatic rolling of eyes) "Around the CORNER."

Now, I accept some responsibility here - maybe if I had kept on walking, I would have run into the frames area, and eventually the shadow boxes. About 5 minutes later though, I was looking for something kind of obscure - sawtooth hangers - and saw a different employee walking by.

"Excuse me, ma'am!"

(Woman keeps walking, does not turn around.)

"Hi, hey - do you work here?" (Run a little to catch up to her)

"Yes."

"Do you know where basic hardware is? Specifically, sawtooth hangers, for mounting artwork on the wall."

"That's like..." - sigh - "...on the complete opposite side of the store."

"Alright. Near the bathrooms? Near the scrapbooking stuff?"

"Over there. Where I'm pointing." (Gestures vaguely, indeed, to the "opposite" side of the store, indicating with her hand that I shall find hardware somewhere in between party favors and foliage, because those are the two ends of the entire west wall. Oh, I see now! Like, in this quadrant of the store, I'll find something that's about the size of a nail! Great, thanks!)

Hey Hobby Lobby, if you don't want customers asking silly questions, how about labeling the f^*ing store. "Wood." "Paint." "Yarn." Things like that.

Maybe it's because crafty women seem so nice, as a general demographic - old ladies with their knitting needles, teachers with their iron-on watermelon decals, moms with their driveway chalk for the kiddos - that I expect these kind of people to staff Hobby Lobby. But that would be a wrong assumption. A complete opposite assumption. Dawn B. at Yelp Austin put it so much better than I about a month ago:

"this hobby lobby is the suck. but not in the good way. the employees are all dead. no one wants to help you. i think they were all hiding as i saw no one working the sales floor."

Hee. Seriously though - why so grumpy-pants, HL employees?

I heart Flight of the Conchords!

Can we discuss this show please.



Flight of the Conchords has pretty much become crack for me. And R. I remember hearing their song "It's Business Time" on the radio, and loving it, then hearing they were doing an HBO show, and hating that idea. I was all, "so let me get this straight...it's a show...where you guys convey your life through song." But it's so hilarious!

Seriously, if you haven't seen this show, you really really should. It also doesn't hurt that (according to me at least) both of these guys are hawt.

Come to Austin, Bret and Jemaine!