Thursday, February 11, 2010

Claudia.

This is our cute, cuddly cat, Claudia.


This is why Claudia is kind of a douchebag.

Claudia likes to hunt Ross Husband. Lately, she's been stalking him all over the house. What she'll do is, she'll hide behind a piece of furniture when he enters the room, and then when he walks by, Claudia will MAUL HIS ANKLE like she wants to kill it. Which she probably does.

We're not sure why she has been so attack-y lately, but we're pretty sure smothering her with love is not helping.

"Yuck, STOP IT!" is exactly what she's saying here. If you thought those words while looking at Claudia's face, congratulations because not only are you correct, you share a brain with my cat.

I tried to get a shot of Claudia being all mad and teeth-baring while Ross Husband messed with her on the floor, but she effectively Bruce Lee'd my camera lens:

She is totally round-housing Ross Husband's hand.

Anyway, when she gets anxious, she deals with it by taking it out on our poor red chair in the living room. In the battle between chair and Claudia, I believe the rough breakdown is something like:
Chair = 2
Claudia = 50,000,000

As you can see, Claudia commands a healthy margin.

Here is one more picture of Claudia, looking over at Ross, silently planning to stalk, attack and eat him.

Also? It looks like the white, bright light of heaven is shining into our foyer.

(PS, I'm sorry. I promise GARY! and I will start talking about Austin and stuff to do et. al. soon.  Sometimes I have to take a break and talk about my psycho cat).

19 comments:

Mara said...

LOVE THIS

James said...

Our cat takes his aggression out on furniture too. It is so much more obvious on your red chair, ha ha.

The cuddle picture is the best. You can tell she HATES it!

Laura said...

One thing that can really help the furniture destruction is a little white pepper. You can find it the Hispanic aisle at the supermarket -- mix it with some water and rub a little bit on the trouble spots and I'm pretty sure Claudia will stop her scratching nonsense. My kitty did!

Austin Eavesdropper said...

@Mara - Thanks doll :)

@James - Haha, I know. Even though Claudia *can* be sweet sometimes, as a rule, she does NOT like to cuddle. Never ever.

@Laura - Well that sounds pretty genius. Do you think the mixture would stick to a leather piece of furniture?

Nicole Mlakar-Livingston said...

AWE - poor Claudia. She's just a bundle of furry anger.

TipsyTexan said...

When we adopted our cat Agnes, her previous human had had her declawed. Although this is a fate that I would never wish upon an animal, I think that it has potentially reduced our medical bills by at least four figures. Because girlfriend is CRAZEE. She loves to snuggle with us at night, as long as nobody moves. If the snuggle position shifts, "RRRREEOOWW!!" A growl and a swat--and potential bloodbath. Several times a night.

Amanda said...

my roommates cat has done this exact same thing to what was once a lovely couch. Although roomie also threw a party where someone stood on it and broke the support beam underneath it. Everyone is out to get my couch :(

And your mutinous cat is really really pretty in all of her plotting :)

Hipstercrite said...

Hahaha! I can just picture Claudia. I've never had a cat, but they all have such unique personalities. They scare me. More than dogs.
BTW- is that your house?! It looks AMAZING!

Jon said...

CLAUDIA!

(Is my contribution to this.)

Sasha said...

I died at that picture of your cat crouching behind the chair she just clawed. This is hilarious.

Beth H said...

aww, cats - gotta love 'em! yours sounds just as crazy as mine. and hey, will you share some more pics of your house sometime? it looks really cool!

Michelle said...

I died laughing at the second picture. She's all like "Yeah motherfucker, and next I'll do it to YOUR FACE!".

One of our cats is incredibly calm and the other one is kind of a spaz that likes to play rough. We found her at two weeks so my theory is that she plays rough 'cuz she never had other kitties to teach her any better! The only time she wants to snuggle is when I'm going to the bathroom, she sits at the door and waits for me to come out. Yeah. She's a weirdo, but I love her. So I feel your pain.

Caleb said...

What, you don't think my theory holds any water, Tolly? Claudia just mustered a little inner Ralphie and is now repaying the bully

Frank J. Rivera said...

I'm just happy you're doing your part to keep cats on the internet.

Laura said...

hmmm, I'm not sure about that! But it might be worth a try!

Laura Roberts said...

My husbot claims he's the Cat Whisperer (it's probably true), and says that first you must destroy their will with TUNA, and then if things still get out of hand, you must get yourself a SPRAY BOTTLE filled with COLD WATER and spray at the offending actions. (Caught red-handed, not sprayed an hour later, say.) More to follow!

Anonymous said...

One of our Persians is an idiot. She gets her claws stuck in the carpet because she doesn't know how to retract them. Or maybe she just forgets. We call her "dummy". Also, she doesn't have a voice, or much of one. She looks up at us, opens her snub face, and .... nothing. Sometimes a squeak, but mostly nothing.

Austin Eavesdropper said...

@Nicole - That is the PERFECT way to describe my cat. She is mostly anger, mixed with a tiny bit of furry goodness.

@TipsyTexan - "Agnes." :) I love that a cat was named "Agnes." That is all.

@Amanda - Claudia thanks you! I know, she has a lot of boy cat admirers because she is so pretty....and then kicks their ass and they have to hobble away.

@Hipstercrite - (Confession...I AM scared of dogs...) Dude. Thanks for the house compliments. She's a REALLY old Victorian in Hyde Park, but we love her.

@Jon - Haha Jon, I was looking at old pictures the other day, and found the one of the ballerina chihuahua, standing next to the PISSED cowboy chihuahua...the one that attacked your feet. :) Good memory.

@Sasha - Thanks woman. :)

@Beth - YAY! I totally will! Coming from a designery craft person...that is a big compliment, about my house.

@Michelle - Haha Michelle! You've got Claudia's voice DOWN. Whenever we "talk like Claudia," it's always a hoodrat, tough girl from the wrong side of the tracks kind of voice...the kind that will totally knife you if you cross her. PS. Your cat does sound weird. Maybe she and Claudia are related; Claudia likes to lick the bathtub after we shower in it (!!)

@Caleb - You are now a SOCIAL MEDIA NINJA! Stand back internets!!

@Frank - Right? LOLCATS can just sit down; we're clearly cornering the market on awesome cat photographs.

@Laura - Well, we'll try it anyway. Thank you for suggestion.

@Laura R - Haha, Laura!! You cracked me up just now. My husband ALSO claims he is the cat whisperer. Men, huh! Think they know EEEVERYTHING (but PS, that trick does sound convincing. I like how he phrases it in terms of "destroying their will." Serious.)

@Anonymous - Are you my Dad? And is the Persian you're referring to Philamina? Because that cat IS an idiot. She's really, really, really pretty though. :)

And if you aren't my Dad Anonymous...please pardon!

amy said...

Is it wrong that this post makes me miss my cats from years past and want to have another one? (Not sure if that's the opposite of the intended effect. Hmmm.) My mister is deathly allergic to cats, so I had to become a dog person as quickly as possible.