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It's a tornado of passports, batteries, and mosquito spray bottles in our house. Ross and his buddy are printing out their little itineraries, while I stomp around being - I admit it - kind of bitchy. Overly emotional actions include, and are not limited to, all of the following:
- Composing a heartfelt letter to go inside the journal I'm sending with Ross,
- Snarling at him when he (unknowingly) interrupted said letter writing to ask how much money he could take with him to Brazil,
- Resuming gentle, loving letter,
- Forcing him to pose for pictures of us like they're the ONLY pictures we'll ever shoot again,
- Whining loudly when he then asked if he could take the camera with him,
- Calmly explaining in shaky voice that despite all evidence to the contrary, I am actually very proud and supportive of him and this trip,
- Crying in the shower.
Above is an old picture of me from a few years ago. Sorry you can see my red underwear. It was taken on a beach in San Diego, en route to grad school for two years. Ross drove me all the way out to Northern California, endured a West Texas desert car break-down with me, and helped move me into my little apartment the day before classes started.
And all the while, he wore a warm smile on his face.
That's the thing about Ross - he is so laid-back and resilient. Fifty times more so than I am. He has this amazing ability to assess situations as they are, while I love to psychologically raise the stakes of any significant event. Instead of, "Ross is leaving for two months," it's: "Ross is PLANNING to leave for two months, but what if he DIES IN BRAZIL. AND THESE ARE THE LAST FEW HOURS WE HAVE TOGETHER." What? Why? Who thinks like that?
Is it an Aries thing?
Anyway, I don't think Ross will actually die in Brazil. But I do know that I'll miss him. I signed up for cooking classes, and a Buddhist book group. I bought a ticket to Hawaii. Am going to visit one of my oldest, dearest friends in the world. I've been greedily hoarding books, and asked my friend to install a vegetable garden at our house. I've started planning the next Bleet-Up. I'm making kombucha. I say "YES" to friends' invitations to hang out, before they even finish their sentences. I've taken on more work. I bought health insurance. I'm putting up wall decals like there's no tomorrow. I'm experimenting with actual film. I'm examining my conscience. I'm reconsidering nude lipstick.
I apologize for dumping all my feelings into this one blog post...we'll be returning to normal Austin programming shortly. Keep sending me your cool post ideas; Lord knows I'll be nursing this blog like a flightless baby bird while Ross is away.
I love you to pieces, husband.
9 comments:
Aw. I'm sorry, Tolly, but your heartsickness is really endearing.
Thanks Frank :)
I totally worry like that too, but I think it's supposed to be a Libra thing...so I don't know what to tell you! ;) I would definitely be freaking out though, so don't feel bad. I'm sure you'll both be okay. *hugs*
Thank you, Michelle! Literally just got home from the airport, and needed your kind words. I think Aries(es) are just loud with their feelings in general. ;)
Where did you find a Buddhist book group?
@Anonymous - Austin Zen Center: www.austinzencenter.org
Aww, Tolly. I've been there before... A few years ago, Tom left for Alaska for nearly four months and we really only had about ten days notice. I was a MESS and did all of the things you listed only with more public crying and the sad thing, at least for me, was that Tom was so excited to be leaving and doing something new and in a really nice area, and all I could focus on was that he was LEAVING ME ALLLLLL SUMMER!!!! And he wasn't SAD enough! But I was also happy and excited for him. So, just to commiserate with you, I know what you are going through. Take care Tolly
@Lela!! I think I remember that actually. We got coffee at Quacks while Tom was away. Anyway, I know, when one person is going off on a big adventure, it's only natural for the one to be SO EXCITED...and the other to be like, "hey wait a minute!! I know this is going to be fun and all, but aren't you sad? About leaving behind your awesome girlfriend/wife??"
Only in my case, I yell-sobbed these things, so I think the answer to that question should have been rather obvious. ;)
Anyway thank you thank you Lela, for stopping by and adding your kind words!
a.) you should make another mother for me to make kombucha too :)
b.) you should have some sort of party *coughbleetupcoughbleetup* at the parish. we can be classy when we wanna be! (minus being on 6th st and next to Bikinis).
and c.) yah everytime jackie (@maybecupcakes) or rose or dani (well..she left) i cry like a baby and whine that i have no friends. haha
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