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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What are your DEAL BREAKERS?

So, Tiffanie Lanmon is probably one of my favorite people. We met at a party once, and at that party, we composed a list of DEAL BREAKERS: you know, red flags in the dating world. This is a partial list of what we came up with, and I would LOVE to hear yours.

According to Tiffanie and I - and I believe a few people standing around the kitchen at said party - a deal breaker can constitute any of the following:

-Precious Moments. If you own a porcelain figurine, consider yourself warned.
-Beanie Babies in the back windshield of your car. Actually, Beanie Babies in any form are questionable.
-Wearing sunglasses indoors. NO.
-Word shirts. Handled in the right way, this one can be acceptable sometimes. It becomes a problem though when we start getting into Versace territory.
-Ditto brand names displayed loudly ANYWHERE on your attire, but especially on your butt.
-Scrunchies. Goes without saying.
-Crocs or water shoes of any sort.
-Tribal tattoos - Are you a Celtic warrior? I didn't think so. Let's move on.
-Non-ironic visor wearing. Think K-Fed circa 2005.
-A blinged-out, pimped-up MySpace page.
-Art cars - Very popular here in Austin. I'm going to admit that a lot of these are actually really impressive. We just can't be kissing and having fun if you're super-gluing action figures to your car all the time, now are we?
-TRICKING SOMEBODY INTO GOING TO CHURCH. Which in fact happened to me once.

So, everybody - what are YOUR deal breakers? I'm going to take down the old poll on claymation figures - I'm just taking some time to get over the fact that Rudolph did NOT win - and then throw up one for deal breakers!!

P.S. - Tiffanie is also the drummer for Follow that Bird, who has a show tonight at Beerland!! Jump on it.


tiffanie said...

the show is at beerland! eeep!

also - YES! i'm so glad this finally came together!

ps - you are one of MY favorites!

Austin Eavesdropper said...

MY BAD!! Changed it just now from Emos - you caught it about 30 min. after I posted so I think we're good. :)

Anonymous said...

As a southern girl, I'd have to say that the way he treats his mamma can be a deal breaker. See also: the way he treats waitstaff at restaurants.

Others I can think of, in no particular order:
- going into credit debt...because he keeps buying unnecessary upgrades for his car
- socks with sandals. Why would anyone do this?
- being a Jehovah's Witness. Been there, done that.
- weighing less than I do (listen up, Austin's hipster community!)

tiffanie said...

weighing less than you! haha! yes, that is such a deal breaker.

my first bf could wear my pants. majorly upsetting.

Unknown said...

These are my deal breakers for a female suitor:

1) Ceaseless vomiting
2) Not wanting to talk about ME
3) Asking me if I've been listening
4) Not paying for dinner
5) Not coming to dinner just because you would have been expected to pay for it.
6) Having a deal breaker

katalinaTX said...

My deal breakers:
- bad shoes
- bad teeth
-bad breath/ hygiene
- self centeredness
- not having your shit together
- no sense of humor or personality

Amy Strecker said...

What a fun post!

I definitely second the hygiene deal breaker.

I would also add to that, men who talk about their college fraternity days constantly. Gross.

Anonymous said...

Who's the cheap loser above who won't pay for dinner? Red flag, deal-breaker on you.

My girl must like long walks on the beach, nights in front of the fireplace and sushi. shouldn't steal my stuff. I like my women hairy. must have titties and the budonkadonk butt. I don't like a dirty ass. gotta have a clean ass. gotta have strong legs, especially at the knees.

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Haha, Ugly! You win my favorite comment. :) I'm glad you appreciate a budonkadonk butt.

Also Katalinatx - AMEN about no humor!

Ross - Are you saying you don't like my ceaseless vomiting?!

Anonymous said...

Unveiled attempts to say I need to workout

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Pfft working out is overrated, Anonymous!

tiffanie said...

ok ok ok. so ( oh, by the way ) and i were talking about the deal breakers post tonight and i think i came up with one of the ultimate deal breakers...


serious misstep. seriously dumping you.

* also! we must give many thanks to ( oh, by the way ) aka mandie for introducing me to the terrible beauty of deal breakers. may her bounty increase tenfold upon tenfold! or something! for a fortnight!

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Tiffanie - could you have anticipated more people would get madder over Blue Tooth usage than Precious Moments?! I am stunned!

And WORD on Leno v. Letterman. ( oh, by the way ) bestows us with her resplendent wisdom once again!

Anonymous said...

Wait, you mean IRONIC use of visors is better than functional?! I'm going to have to say nopers. I'd rather see a dude jogging in a visor than wearing one upside-down at Trudy's any day.

Deal breaker for me would be teetotaling. I enjoy my alcohol, dammit!

Austin Eavesdropper said...

GrumpyBear - that is an excellent point. I guess it's all in how you interpret the word "ironic." Because I would argue that the dude wearing an upside-down visor at Trudy's GENUINELY thinks it/he is cool. :)

But omg, as for your own personal deal breaker - TOTALLY. I think the same person that tricked me into going to church may be pressuring YOU to drink less alcohol.

tiffanie said...

tolly! so stunned! austin has let us know that yes, the porcelain figurines can stay just as long as you give the 'tooth a rest.

austin just wants some quality time, baby...even if it means sharing it with a doe eyed figurine.

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