Sunday, September 27, 2009

Mansion of Terror HAS NOW OPENED

Ok. Remember how we were talking about actor auditions for Mansion of Terror a few weeks ago? Well, the auditions have happened. The psycho zombies are now in place. Fake blood is prepared to squirt, bodily limbs prepared to be sawed off. The Mansion of Terror opened this weekend y'all.

My tickets to this lovely affair are posted on the refrigerator, and I feel a cold shiver every time I walk past them. This is not an exaggeration. I do not do haunted houses. The last scary movie I watched was The Ring (eek!) roughly 5 years ago, and I had to have a friend describe it to me in full detail before actually sitting down to watch the bright shining daytime, that is, with R., with multiple closings of eyes until he assured me it was safe to open.

(PS, if this describes your own experience of The Ring, may I direct you to something funny? I'm not sure if this is supposed to be humorous or not, but somebody put a clip of Samara Morgan on YouTube accompanied by "The Most Beautiful Girl," Julio Iglesias. Too good, YouTube. Too good!).

Anyway, I have assembled a full-on POSSE to do Mansion of Terror with me. Friends don't let friends battle killer clowns alone. I am going to be one of the dorks who wears a plastic poncho over her clothes to keep the fake blood off! I'll try not, however, to be one of those people who kicks the actors in the shins on instinct. I bet that's happened a lot before.

Reader, do tell me: Are you a fan of haunted houses? Can you provide a relative rookie some tips? My last haunted house experience was in the 3rd grade, and we all know how well that turned out.

EDITOR'S NOTE: It has been kindly pointed out to Austin Eavesdropper that Mansion of Terror and House of Torment are not, in fact, the same thing! This blog post has since been corrected since posting last night, where we mistakenly implied that MOT and HOT were one and the same. (Which further demonstrates AE's severe lack of knowledge in the haunted house department.) Apologies for any and all confusion.


Breyonce said...

I'm with you, T. I don't mind scary movies, but I CANNOT deal with haunted houses. I do not like to be startled/surprised/screamed at/grabbed/splattered with blood (fake or otherwise)/etc. Also, I have a weak stomach, so I can't handle any gore/sawing of limbs, either.

Clearly I'm not a good candidate for haunted houses. I'll be handing out candy to the 4-year-olds this Halloween, thankyouverymuch.

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Haha Breyonce: "I do not like to be startled/surprised/screamed at/grabbed/splattered with blood (fake or otherwise)/etc." Um, EXACTLY.

Jay said...

I second the not doing haunted houses thing... I am a HUGE horror movie fan, and don't really get too spooked by them at all, but I can't stand the idea of anything actually touching or getting that close to me... I'm creeped out just thinking about it....

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Haha, Jay. Can totally relate. For the record, I *AM* definitely going to House of Torment - but only after a stiff drink. :) Maybe you, B and I should overcome this fear together.

What horror movies do you dig, J?

Aaron Robert Hall said...

Ha! Well I gotta say that I love me some haunted houses. I'm going to have to hit this up because I have never heard of one this put together before. Don't get me wrong, I am still quite the jumper with scary movies and random acts of scariness, but I have always have had fun with it.

Tips for rookies:

1. make sure you take a long healthy pee before you go in

2. cut your finger nails as not to injure your friends or partner with your spontaneous killer clutch

3. Provide courtesy earplugs to those who will most likely be the victim of your high pitched screams

4.If a clown gets fresh, you have the right to kick him

5. Last but not least, If all your friends disappear, run, because that means the zombies will get you next.

Miss Meat and Potatoes said...

I ADORE anything to do with Halloween or scary... And this post makes me miss Austin all the more. Can't wait to hear about your experiences at the mansion!

Austin Eavesdropper said...

Miss Meat and Potatoes, I like your blog! (And your blog NAME.) Thanks for the vote of Halloween confidence - the rest of us need to put on our Big Boy and Big Girl Pants, and join you in the haunted house fervor.

Jay said...

I'm a big fan of the 70's / 80's stuff, My favorite is the original Halloween, Original My Bloody Valentine, Last House on the Left (pretty much everything that's getting remade now) and any of the Italian Giallo stuff- Susperia, Tenebrae, etc. Wow... I feel nerdy now :-)

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