Friday, August 22, 2008

A reasonable request

Ok y'all, remember how we were talking about the insanity of Austin Craigslist? And specifically, the charming missed connections? Here's another missed connection, from today.

As you'll read below, this one is not so much of the wistful and romantic sort but more like an incredulous, losing-my-patience announcement.

A girl writes to her crazy neighbor: STOP RUSTLING AROUND WITH YOUR BLACK PLASTIC BAGS IN THE MORNING! I don't think it's too much to ask.

Austin Craigslist girl, you have the floor:

"Dear guy, I really don't know where to start here....."

(Ok, pause. Are you loving it already?? She has had it. Can't you just see her punching the keys on her computer all pissed off? Heh. Carry on):

"For the past three months you have disturbed me....While it may be that you are the one disturbed I must confess that you are interrupting my morning. I choose 7:30 as my time to meditate and journal....have done so for the past several months in peace....until you came along. I have no idea what it is that you are doing, but every single morning at about the same time you rustle around with these mysterious plastic black bags....If I didn't hear that they sound as though they are full of aluminum cans then I would surely have alerted the authorities in response to the nature of your morning rituals....You open and slam your little car's doors over and over again...sometimes without doing anything at all, other times pulling out or shoving in these twelve or so bags....Now since you disturb my peaceful consumption of coffee and news I have to wonder what on earth it is that you are trying to accomplish. You go up and down the stairwell several times to your apartment, each time you go up you stand at the foot of the stairs and look up for several seconds....I often wonder if you are counting in your head the number of times that you've gone up and down the stairs, or maybe the stairs that your feet have climbed or descended that particular morning...exercise routine, maybe? I never come away with an answer. You always seem to have extra bags in your car that you pull out and shake loudly to open them up to the you take them upstairs where, I am guessing, you have a bedroom full of the aluminum? If I were a paranoid sort I would think that maybe you have somehow found a way to kill off your neighbors ( yes, I do know that a few of them are empty-headed oxygen suckers ) and ultra-size them into the cans or whatever is in the bags....

Anyway, I am not trying to bother you, but could you please keep it down?....seriously all of that rustling around with the bags is really distracting....I have a hard enough time getting up without having to decipher what it is that you are doing.....for God's sake I am about to start school again and I just can't handle the fugitive-like movements of your mornings....


from the girl in the building across from you....and no, I won't tell you which building.....happy bagging to you."

I love the "fugitive-like movements of your mornings." Seriously dude, stop being so OCD! Because I really think that's what we're dealing with here.

Austin Craigslist continues to be a generous bounty. Forget our city's adorably quirky local businesses - these are the people keeping Austin weird.


daisysmom said...

Best post of all. This one was GREAT! Thanks for this gem.

Tolly M said...

Thanks daisymom :)