This time, with feeling.

When I was a kid, we used to receive about 10,000 catalogues at home in the mail. 

 Roughly 97% of these catalogues came from Victoria's Secret, while the other 3% came from L.L. Bean, Newport News, and some company whose sole purpose seemed to be selling things like miniature Slinkies and heart-shaped erasers in bulk.

But mostly, our catalogues were fashion catalogues.

As a result, I spent a lot of time perfecting my Look.

Allow me to explain. These were ye olden pre-Internet days, and I was an only child. We didn't get cable until I was a little more grown up, so once I had played with the cat and finished drawing pictures, my entertainment options were pretty much exhausted.

That's when Stephanie Seymour and I headed to the bathroom vanity mirror, and worked on our Looks together.

Now, Stephanie has a pretty diverse set of Looks, because she is a supermodel. As an 11 year-old, I could pull off exactly one Look -- grinning wide with shiny metal braces -- and I also knew that this Look was an insufficient route to getting a boyfriend.

I had to up my game.

Thus began my intense study of catalogue models and their wanton facial expressions, and I blame this period of my life for preventing me from looking like a normal person in photos.  Oh, you THINK I know how to make regular-person faces.  That's because I only post the best pictures.  But these ... well.  These are outtakes from a recent photo shoot with the Daily Texan (more on that later), and while the above one is OK, I think we all know what's going on here with the rest.

This clearly came from Newport News.

Deep in thought.

Product endorsement!

Pissed.

Ok now I included those two not because they are examples of Catalogue Look, but because Cheer Up Charlies (where we shot these) draws faces on everything, and I love it. 

Here's one where I finally managed to look like me.

(Special thanks to The Daily Texan for their really nice story about Austin Eavesdropper recently, and to the talented Marisa Vasquez, who -- all kidding aside -- managed to make this goofy subject look kinda nice.)