4 observations about Hancock Center 24 Hour Fitness

1. Men who monopolize the free weights. Ladies, why do we let them do this? There is one corner of the gym - the northwest corner, to be specific - where (straight, brawny) men swarm like bees around the racks of free weights. Sometimes I actually like being over there though, for eavesdropping purposes alone:

Man 1: "Don't be a LITTLE GIRL, bra, FINISH YOUR SET."
Man 2: "But my arms are about to fall off!"
Man 1: "I said stop acting like a pre-pub, a pre-pube-"
Man 2: "I'm a pube?"

I believe the term Man 1 was searching for was prepubescent, but prepubescent what, we shall never know. Probably "prepubescent girl" which just sounds all wrong.

2. Outfit choices. Are quite varied at 24. When you think "gym," you probably think Lycra, do-rag, sneakers, holey T, whatever. Yesterday, there was a man working out on the elliptical machine next to mine and it appeared he had come to the gym directly from work, meaning, not stopping in a bathroom stall or locker room to change. Long sleeve shirt? Check. Diesel sneakers? Check. Ok. Fine. But, what do we have here? Corduroy pants?

3. One TV always tuned, inexplicably, to the Food Network. Oh 24 Hour Fitness managers. Have you no kindness in your calorie-burning hearts? Why must you torture those of us on the elliptical machines and treadmills, obediently working off last night's cocktails and fried calamari only to be subjected to visions of Paul Deen's Baked French Toast Casserole? Give us your deliciously trashy reality TV, your Fox News, even your college football but please, do not wave buttery Southern cuisine in our contorted faces. Smack on the hand.

4. Vocal sounds that make me blush. Sometimes it sounds like the Battle of Troy is happening inside 24 Hour Fitness. Men crying out in agony. Quacking with pain. "Three. TWO. ONE! BAHHH!!!" You half expect to look up from your machine and see a pillaged village burning down in front of you. Truth be told though, I hardly notice them anymore. Women, however, are a different story entirely.

Have you ever laid down next to one while she's doing her crunches? And caught her making the same pained sounds, but waaaay scaled down in tone and volume....almost.......hrm. Eh.

The whole thing turns from sexy to disturbing, though, if this sound occurs not while she's doing crunches, but instead, that exercise where one is on all fours, lifting your bent leg and extending it out to the side. Yes, precisely like a dog who is about to pee on a fire hydrant.

(And I admit that I have been this girl before).