Sunday, January 25, 2009

4 observations about Hancock Center 24 Hour Fitness

1. Men who monopolize the free weights. Ladies, why do we let them do this? There is one corner of the gym - the northwest corner, to be specific - where (straight, brawny) men swarm like bees around the racks of free weights. Sometimes I actually like being over there though, for eavesdropping purposes alone:

Man 1: "Don't be a LITTLE GIRL, bra, FINISH YOUR SET."
Man 2: "But my arms are about to fall off!"
Man 1: "I said stop acting like a pre-pub, a pre-pube-"
Man 2: "I'm a pube?"

I believe the term Man 1 was searching for was prepubescent, but prepubescent what, we shall never know. Probably "prepubescent girl" which just sounds all wrong.

2. Outfit choices. Are quite varied at 24. When you think "gym," you probably think Lycra, do-rag, sneakers, holey T, whatever. Yesterday, there was a man working out on the elliptical machine next to mine and it appeared he had come to the gym directly from work, meaning, not stopping in a bathroom stall or locker room to change. Long sleeve shirt? Check. Diesel sneakers? Check. Ok. Fine. But, what do we have here? Corduroy pants?

3. One TV always tuned, inexplicably, to the Food Network. Oh 24 Hour Fitness managers. Have you no kindness in your calorie-burning hearts? Why must you torture those of us on the elliptical machines and treadmills, obediently working off last night's cocktails and fried calamari only to be subjected to visions of Paul Deen's Baked French Toast Casserole? Give us your deliciously trashy reality TV, your Fox News, even your college football but please, do not wave buttery Southern cuisine in our contorted faces. Smack on the hand.

4. Vocal sounds that make me blush. Sometimes it sounds like the Battle of Troy is happening inside 24 Hour Fitness. Men crying out in agony. Quacking with pain. "Three. TWO. ONE! BAHHH!!!" You half expect to look up from your machine and see a pillaged village burning down in front of you. Truth be told though, I hardly notice them anymore. Women, however, are a different story entirely.

Have you ever laid down next to one while she's doing her crunches? And caught her making the same pained sounds, but waaaay scaled down in tone and volume....almost.......hrm. Eh.

The whole thing turns from sexy to disturbing, though, if this sound occurs not while she's doing crunches, but instead, that exercise where one is on all fours, lifting your bent leg and extending it out to the side. Yes, precisely like a dog who is about to pee on a fire hydrant.

(And I admit that I have been this girl before).


Anonymous said...

I can no longer do the gym thing. It got to be too trashy. Just give me a treadmill and some free weights at home. I can watch Paula from here.

Trash Can Age said...

I completely laughed out loud when I read your bit about the men grunting!! I agree with the above, I'll keep my inexplicable noises at home, watching Animal Planet.

frances said...

nooo idea if you ever read missed connections on craigslist tolly, but the postings for 24-hour on hancock are so hilarious!!! :)

ryan ahmad said...

it"s sweet your blog

Meg said...

Hilarious post! Really sums up the OMG gym experience :)

It's a shame though... I go to the 24Hour Fitness off William Cannon & I've been very happy there. Quietness, machines always available, no hassling or annoying people.

Meg said...

Hilarious post! Really sums up the OMG gym experience :)

It's a shame though... I go to the 24Hour Fitness off William Cannon & I've been very happy there. Quietness, machines always available, no hassling or annoying people.

Ross said...

Does Everyday Italian ever get shown on the food network when you're there? That might explain all the grunting guys. Every time Giada reaches for the salt I have a small heart attack! She's no Tolly Moseley, but she could play one in a movie.

Nicole said...

When is the Food Network on there? I go to both the Hancock and Wm. Cannon locations (I like Wm. Cannon much better) but Hancock's TVs are usually on Fox News and Sports Center when I'm there. I'd be happy to see Food Network !

Lyssa said...

Tolly, your writing is getting funnier and funnier! Thank you for posting this and how not to get hungover!!

Austin Eavesdropper said...

LOL, I'm glad everyone can find something to appreciate with the circus that is Hancock Center 24 Hour Fitness.

Lyssa, thanks for the sweet compliment! I'm so glad you enjoyed. :)

Nicole, Meg, and Angie - haha, I've thought about going to other 24's (or even staying inside the house) but Hancock Center 24, as whacky as it is, just warms the heart. Grunting men and all.

Fran I LOVE the Missed Connections!! And have even blogged about it a couple of times before!! Haha, so hilarious. It's like reading other people's deep dark secrets...that should NEVER be aired.

And Ross I am sorry to say I have not yet seen Giada on the Food Network at 24. It's all Paula, all the time. For some odd reason.

He Loves and Hates Everything said...

The homoeroticism of gyms never fails to amuse.

Yen said...

I guess lifting in cords isn't so bad -- I saw someone running a half marathon in jeans!

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Austin Eavesdropper said...

Haha, it's been a while since I've read the comments on this particular story - thanks, guys! San Diego Fitness Center Gym, you are always welcome. :)

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