Tuesday, September 9, 2008

What your favorite cocktail says about you

Here at That Austin Girl, we've been taking a poll on everyone's favorite drink. And the results are stunning! With 23 votes total, here is how it shook down:

Chilango Margarita at El Chile: 5
Your basic Mojito: 2
Mexican Martini: 3
Wine: 8 (!)
Chimay, Spaten, or another equally elitist beer: 5

First of all, I am pleasantly surprised to be among the company of so many fellow winos. We do like to relish in our false sense of sophistication and pedigree, don't we?

Secondly, I've always thought that while the idea of a "signature cocktail" is silly - why deny yourself the pleasures of the full mixed drink rainbow? - there is significance indeed in your preferred poison. Based on completely non-scientific research, here is what your favorite cocktail most likely says about you.

Chilango Margarita at El Chile
God you're hip. You're in the know. In the east side Austin know! You like to wait until the server has made the rounds around the table, unopened menu in front of you, and - after a dramatic pause for effect when the server asks, "and what will you be drinking?" - casually order the Chilango Margarita. On the rocks (if you're on the east side that is - I recently found out the north side doesn't offer a rocks version. That's a one-two punch of in-the-know for you, and you're welcome). You've got tight pants on. If you're a man. If you're a woman, make that high-waisted full-legged pants, worn trendily and ironically. You dazzle your table with sips of your mysterious, delicious Chilango. All are awed. You are awesome.

Your basic mojito
You are most likely a dude, who saw a chick order this in 2003, and felt it was ok to order it once Miami Vice came out and Sonny/Colin Farrell said to Isabella, "I'm a fiend for mojitos." It is totally not a chick drink, ok? And besides, they're delicious! All your bros with a foamy glass of Guinness laughing at your dainty, beautiful glass filled with sugar cane sticks and mint sprigs can just go to hell.

Mexican Martini
You are a Texan. Better yet, you're an Austinite! You appreciate presentation, and a pitcher of pedestrian margaritas just won't do. You need salt. You need a little pizazz. And to that end, you like your margarita served in a martini glass with a splash of olive juice and garnished with a jalapeno-stuffed olive, please. What?

Wine
You're a class act. You're a lady. Or a gentleman. You appreciate the finer things......and did you mention you also speak French? You're getting hints of blackberry...no, chocolate...or is that goat cheese? You're testing your palate, and you're hitting on everyone. You like to think you're the ultimate combination of refinement and sexiness. And you're probably right, fellow winos.

Chimay, Spaten, or another equally elitist beer
You are a walking contradiction: You drink beer, and yet you are a snob. A beer snob. Where did this hybrid of beer-guzzling populism and opinionated "brew" connoisseurs come from? We don't know, but we blame Belgium.

And there you have it, Austinites and non-Austinites alike. As this admittedly is a limited cocktail selection, are there any alcohol faves you'd like to give a shout-out to here and now? Did I leave your pomegranate-infused something-or-other off the list? Tell me tell me.

3 comments:

tiffanie said...

sissel can just date me.

!!

Ross said...

We beer snobs are not actually snobs, we simply demand that which we are promised: real beer. Most of America's most popular beers are adjunct brewed beers which means that they have skimped out on our beloved barley and replaced it with something a Chinese dude looks for in his pantry: RICE! In Germany this is not only distasteful, but it is actually illegal to call something like that beer.

Those beers are like particle board furniture. Thay are made of garbage, sold to morons, and people just feel stupider as soon as they complete their transaction.

Snobbery implies that we are making a distinction between many prized items. Choosing something substantial over a bottle of rice juice is just common decency.

I love you baby, but don't sass my drinks!!

-R

Anonymous said...

Ross,

If you don't like American brews, fine. Neither do I; but I don't go around insulting the intelligence of people who do. It has nothing to do with smarts and everything to do with personal tastes.

You're right though; you're not a snob. But you are an obnoxious, intolerant ass.