Hey! The Zooey Deschanel Show

Oh my God.

My dear friend (and fellow Mortified alum) Ted just turned me onto this: Hey! The Zooey Deschanel Show. 

Somehow he must have read my mind, and already have known how much I enjoy VeryMaryKate.com.  Because this brilliant Zooey version has me in stitches.




I mean, right! 

The show was created by Austinite Noël Kristi Wells, who also submitted the following -- and if possible, even more awesome -- audition video to Saturday Night Live.

The celeb imitations are pretty great, but I think I like the Austin hipster imitation (the last one to appear) the best! 

Locals (and Williamsburg, Brooklyn natives), we all know this person.  Hell, some of us are this person.


Oh, the Justin Bieber character ... it's a close tie for me, in terms of favorite, between Austin hipster ("yeah, so, technically, I'm a pescatarian") and Justin Bieber ("ooh!  Girl!")

Also. This next thing is completely off-topic. 

But, look what I just learned to do by accident on my keyboard:

ç

Maybe you didn't catch that.

ç

So fancy!

Help one of our own get her dream job.

Informal poll.

If there was one place on the entire Earth where you could visit, for as long as you wanted, and money was no option -- where would it be?

It's almost impossible for me to answer that question. There are so many! But, here are my top 5:

5. A cross-country tour of major American cities I haven't visited yet: Seattle, Portland, Sante Fe, Chicago, Boston

4. Montreal

3. Eastern Europe (Hungary, Czech Republic, etc.)

2. Nepal

1. Brazil OR Costa Rica

That only scratches the surface.

Before I took my first major out-of-the-country trip, to Italy, I basically thought everyone dressed like they worked on a vineyard.  I remember buying a long, black, flowy peasant skirt, thinking, "This will help me blend in with The Italians."

I soon realized that in MILAN, where I was living, and where there is nary a vineyard in sight, slacks and functional (but stylish) sneakers were the order of the day. Long, romantic skirts get caught in subway doors, and their hems drag through disease-laden street puddles. Plus, it was harder to shop when you had a big unwieldy skirt to deal with, forcing you to ultimately try less things on, and nobody wanted that!

I think about Milan almost daily.  I sincerely hope I get to go back someday.

Maybe the next best thing will happen, though.

An Austinite named Jennifer Parker emailed me last week about her dream job: Becoming a TV travel gal. She entered a contest to host "Paradise Hunter," and wants all of us to vote for her.


I told her I was absolutely in. Provided she bring me along on one of her fabulous trips, of course!  (Just kidding). Not really.

We can vote for Jennifer once daily, up until November 5. She currently stands at roughly 5,000 votes, and has been fluctuating in the Top 10. But just like we rallied for Trash Dance a few weeks ago, I say we go vote for her!  The top contender right now has between 9,000 - 10,000. We can totally beat that. Especially since we're allowed to vote every day.

Good luck, Jennifer!  Just voted for you again, girl.

TONIGHT: Pre-Revolutionary France in Austin, Texas

Wow, three posts in one day? It's like this is a real city blog!

So tonight, I'm headed to A Hair Affair, a fashion show fundraiser for Locks of Love at The Phoenix. I've been looking forward to this event ever since Austin Eavesdropper superstar commenter, Le Tigre, turned me onto it.  Also, I overheard Ana describing the event at As You Like it Agnes last weekend (see? Am real eavesdropper), so I knew the show was going to be avante garde, pre-revolutionary France style. Or in other words, bonkers.

Ana sought several images to give her some hair-spiration for the show tonight. Here is a small sample.

Question: Why did we ever get rid of ship-themed wigs? I see real potential there.

Ana was also kind enough to give us the pre-show scoop on A Hair Affair. After reading this, how could you not go?

"I chose to showcase the three pre-revolutionary French classes: proletariat, bourgeouise, aristocrat. Why? Because they:

1) Were fun to create hair and makeup concepts for, and

2) Provided an exaggerated, eccentric example of the current imbalance in socio-economic conditions here in the US.

France went broke fighting other people's wars. Its aristocracy got away with numerous tax exemptions, while its middle class was taxed heavily. The nation was near bankruptcy at the time of revolution.

On a purely stylistic note, hair styling saw its boom in this time period. Hair styling became a legitimate profession. Stylists were in high demand to create the most ornate wigs, often themed after whatever party one was attending that evening. Women in the pre-revolutionary French aristocracy would compete to see who could have the biggest hair ... quite hilarious, but this part of the 18th century spawned the most ornate, largest hairstyles in Western history.

So while their hair was getting bigger and bigger, their lower classes were getting hungrier and poorer. Interesting contrast."

I'll say, Ana. I can't wait to see how she translates all this history on the models' heads tonight.

Also exciting?  In honor of Austin Fashion Week, News 8 Austin put together a little fashion street team for reporting.  I get to join these lovely ladies in helping out!  I'm so excited!  

So tonight, I'll be interviewing Ana Castro, the hair stylist for A Hair Affair, as well as a couple of the models, for News 8. Fingers crossed that this opportunity somehow involves me wearing a ship wig.

Not Blanche!

Betty White may be the Golden Girls It Girl. But me? I've always been Team Blanche.


Dear, warm Rue McClanahan died today of a stroke she suffered on Monday. Her son, Mark, lives here in town, and I had the wonderful pleasure of interviewing her for Austinist last Fall.


Rue was a champion for breast cancer victims and survivors, a frequent visitor to Austin, and a lover of fluffy cats. We enjoyed a laughing, leisurely conversation back in September, and she asked me if I was single - to date Mark!  I admitted that I wasn't, but remember thinking: "dear God, the lady who gets HER as a mother-in-law is a lucky girl indeed."


I completely loved Golden Girls, and Blanche's saucy, racy character especially. She was Samantha Jones before Sex and the City. She was a star of the stage as well as television, and when we spoke, she was in the middle of expanding her book My First Five Husbands...And The Ones Who Got Away into a touring musical.

But the coolest thing about Rue, in my opinion, was that she did celebrity appearances and speaking engagements for breast cancer survivor groups even when they couldn't really afford to pay her. She embraced the idea that having a "team" of support when you are sick is what truly nurses you back to health, and having been so thoroughly cared for herself during her own breast cancer ordeal, she wanted to be a part of that team for other women.

Also? Here's something interesting that you may not know. When Rue auditioned for a part on Golden Girls, it was actually for the character of Rose! And Betty White was auditioning for Blanche. But at the audition, the directors said to both ladies, "would you mind switching scripts for a moment?"

And as we know, the rest is history.

Rue McClanahan, you were one of my favorite interviews, and even though we really only spoke once, I was so touched that you gave me an hour of your time. Talking to you wasn't like talking to a celebrity; it was like giggling with a long-lost aunt, about men, cats, life goals, and Esther's Follies. You told me to pass on good luck to my mother and her crazy Patsy Cline lip-syncing act (Mom, if you're reading this, how cool is that?!), and you told me that Kate (your cat) would probably get along with my cat (Claudia).

I am so sad to see you go.

Thank you for being a friend!

"Stop having boring tuna, stop having a boring life."

Words to live by.

It's too cold outside to do anything and as a result, R. and I are watching "Apocalypse Week" on the History Channel. Good morning!

Between Nostradamus predictions and Sir Issac Newton's lost mystical texts, a commercial for the Slap Chop just came on. AND I LOVED IT.


I don't know where to begin!

"You're gonna love my nuts."

(And I do, Vince.)

YouTube - the gift that keeps on giving (along with my dad) - generously provides a Slap Chop remix:



If you are hungry after watching Vince Offer slap your troubles away, would you care to come out to the chili cook-off at Jo's? I'm a judge, y'all.

Admit it. You're excited!

This trailer leaves much to the imagination. Oh, the staples are all there: shot of Carrie's closet, shot of Big in limo, shot of Samantha exchanging looks with young chap in cougar-like fashion. And then - cut to camels and the desert?

The girls are headed to Iraq!

.....or Dubai, but that's a wild guess. However, a few things are certain. Miranda's hair and make-up get better every day. Charlotte likes to make cupcakes. Head wraps are IN.

These, friends, are facts. Facts we can trust.

Opens in Austin (and everywhere) May 2010.

ATTN GOSSIP GIRL FANS: Where in Austin can we watch our damn show

So.

Today, Austin Eavesdropper had a revelation.

"This city desperately needs a venue in which to screen Gossip Girl."

Actually, AE had this revelation several months ago, while counting down the days last summer until she could relish in Chuck Bass and his glorious plaid sweater vests. AE even took the time to call Alamo Drafthouse and "report" a widespread "rumor" about the SEASON PREMIERE of Gossip Girl being screened at Drafthouse. (If wink wink could be imparted over the telephone that is definitely the tone AE was going for). Sadly, conspiratorial machinations were well and truly lost on poor Drafthouse phone answerer employee, leaving him with only one response: "Gossip Girl....is that, like, a show? Are you talking about Mad Men? Because we are screening Mad Men."

No, I am not talking about Man Men. I am talking about the CW here.

This is vintage Chuck, which you see above. These days Chuck Bass is far too busy and important to be slouching around in a cardigan, looking like a common Brooklynite. Rather, this season's Chuck Bass is always dashing about, cooking up his next speakeasy scheme and playing Model Boyfriend to fellow power monger, Blair Waldorf. See how his suspenders virtually SNAP with sass and professionalism.

Also notice how his suspenders match his socks.

Anyway Austinites, where can one (publicly) get a Gossip Girl fix? Here are a few ideas AE had:

1. Alamo Drafthouse (in case he Google Alerts himself am going to include Drafthouse owner's Tim League's name in this post. Tim League Tim League Tim League.)
2. Rain. Because while Rain currently screens UT games, surely there is a faction of the clientele that would enjoy Gossip Girl.
3. Anthropologie. Realize this is not classic television-or-film-watching venue per se, but Anthropologie did screen a documentary recently about a man who goes shopping, which is precisely the kind of subject matter that Blair, Serena, and Little J would heartily approve of.

Increasingly AE cannot watch Gossip Girl in her own home anymore, because A) she gets made fun of relentlessly, and B) whole house turns into jeering chorus of Chuck Bass impersonations the moment he graces the screen with his purple ascots. This troubles her.

So in Rhonda Byrne-fashion, AE is releasing into the universe a very serious intention to watch Gossip Girl with people who won't make fun of her. If you are one such esteemed Gossip Girl fan, where in Austin would you like to watch the hijinks of our favorite Upper West Siders??

Austin bloggers (y mas) on Caleb Does!

How fun is this! "Caleb Does" is this rad Do512-sponsored TV show on the interwebs. Caleb and his partner-in-crime Emmett, the man behind the camera, go to Austin parties around town and ask attendees what's what. About a week and a half ago, they came out to the very awesome launch party for Cherrypeel, and some of us Austin bloggers got a little face time!


Logan from Chrontourage, Richard from Ultra8201, and yours truly appear around minute 6:20 to talk about the next Austin Bleet-Up. (Which I am so excited about!!) Logan even receives a formal invitation.

Speaking of the Bleet-Up - as soon as we get our date straight with Mohawk, we'll tell you Austin bloggers and blog-readers all about it. All I can say now is we're busy putting it all together, and I can't wait to dish.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Thanks Kristen and Scott for the shout-outs!! Reader, I'll have you know that those two, along with Logan as a matter of fact, have a pretty fantastic happy hour event coming up that we'll be talking about soon here on Austin Eavesdropper.

I would be remiss if I didn't also thank Flip Scene and Cherrypeel, and the really wonderful job they did reaching out to the local blogging community. As Kristen and Scott mention around the 9:20 minute mark, it truly was like a little social media utopia. Rock on you guys.

Quick! Project Runway fans, head to Opals!

Tonight from 9pm - 10pm, Opal Divine's on South Congress will be airing the season premiere.

It takes five people to reserve a room, so round up four of your friends and MAKE IT WORK, as our beloved Tim Gunn would say.



I'm "auf" to eat, then heading to Opals!

Thanks to Rene for the tip.

Countdown to Passion Pit!

If loving electro-pop is wrong, I never want to be right.



Passion Pit is coming to Austin next Wednesday, June 3, to play at Emo's (for the bargain price of $12! Get tickets here.)

I love their video, above. It's actually not my favorite PP song (this is), but the visuals in this one are mesmerizing. Did any of you ever watch Six Feet Under? The torn-paper faces in this video remind me of that photography series Claire did for art school.

Want!

Anyway, that's going to be a big night, what with Rare Magazine's Rarest of Them All Party and all. Last year's party had over 1500 people, and this year, White Denim is playing. Who knew Wednesdays were so out of control?

Real Housewives of NYC "Reunion!"

Alright everyone. It's deadline week for me so the Austin posts are a little sporadic. However. If you are a die hard Real Housewives of NYC fan like I am, then the video below is pure magic. (And also not for sensitive listeners! Kisses!)

ENJOY:



Oh Real Housewives of Dallas, when will you finally descend upon us like a shimmering gift from heaven? Stop taunting us, Bravo!

Yellow Fever + The power of a good poster.

PRETTY!

I'm going to go ahead and agree with Tiffany at Austin is Burning here on the issue of attractive show posters. Bands, bookers, promoters, etc: If you have a pretty and/or clever poster to accompany your gig, bloggers want to post it. Just saying - it's worth the investment.

So let's get down to the show happening tomorrow at Mohawk. Many people are into the Vivian Girls. I'll admit - I am ever so sloowly warming up to them. From what I hear, they shine in the live show, and while they played at SXSW many times I never saw them. On the other hand, Yellow Fever had me at hello, know what I mean? Their music makes me feel like I am at once in the '70s, and also in a spy movie. (A '70s spy movie?)

So Yellow Fever, what's your story? Have you always been from Austin?

In other music news, lots of neat stuff coming down the pipeline soon...a Great Nostalgic album review, an interview with Stellastarr*, shtuff about the Texas Hill Country Wine and Food Festival.

And. And.

This is random, but I've been giving a lot of thought to a potential "Real Housewives of Austin." Bravo fans, can you feel me on this? I watched the pilot for "Real Housewives of New Jersey" last night, and my throat hurts from laughter-shrieking. Did any of you see it?

My So-Called Life

Guys - I don't care what anybody else says - "My So-Called Life" was the best show on television.





I don't even know what inspired me to watch it tonight. But now, STILL, I get a little bit nostalgic (/teary!) when I watch it.

Can't you just feel the flannel cotton on your skin? Hear the Nirvana playing overhead? This show takes me straight back to junior high/high school.



OH MY GOD, when was Jared Leto this cute?? Are you looking at this?

Alright WAIT. Check this out:



I KNOW.

But then....fast forward....



Oh no.

After the singing career, and the eyeliner......oh Jared Leto, what happened?

I don't think I'm alone here when I say I lust for JORDAN CATALANO, and not Jared Leto.

Sorry guys, this has nothing to do with Austin. Except to make an impassioned cry to Alamo Drafthouse:

Have a "My So-Called Life" night already!!

Who's your favorite claymation figure??

So, as you all may or may not know, there are frequently little polls running on That Austin Girl ranging in subject from "Favorite Cocktail" to "Favorite Toys" to whatever else I'm sort of in the mood to talk about. They frequently do not have anything to do with Austin, Tx really, except for the fact that it is where I am physically located. (On a sidenote: I think my blog is having an identity crisis. Sometimes think I should make it more local or more topic-oriented, like, "Hi welcome to That Austin Girl, where we talk about BANDS." But instead it's quite random, and it ends up being about whatever, and I hope that's ok with everyone? At any rate, I've decided I really like these little polls so we're going to keep doing those). ANYWAY.

The most recent poll we did was "Favorite Superhero," and Batman completely crushed his competition (which I think we can chalk up to his summer 2008 trendiness, cheesy Darth Vader growly voice and all). But now, I'm throwing out a much, much tougher question.

Who is your favorite claymation figure?

Are you ready? Are you so excited?! Let's meet our contestants:

Wallace & Gromit

Gumby

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER (my vote!!)

Penny from "Pee Wee's Playhouse"

The California Raisins

For me personally, I don't know if anyone can dethrone Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, although Gumby is a close second. (PS - How did a blob of green clay that resembles the letter "K" get his own show on NBC? What? Ditto on a Motown band comprised of raisins??) I remember watching the Rudolph the Reindeer Christmas special on TV for the first time when I was 5 or 6, and thinking it was, like, an action-adventure thriller. I also remember thinking it would be so cool if I had a light for a nose.

So I'm going to leave this post up a few days in case you want to leave a comment explaining your selection. Why, for example, is Penny (who looks like she is about to hurl in this picture?) more awesome than Rudolph. (Which is completely hypothetical by the way, since Penny is clearly NOT as awesome as Rudolph).

Readers, you have the floor: Who is your fave clay character? And how did you first encounter them?

5 things I routinely give up only to come desperately crawling back

1. Coffee

2. Meat

3. Us Weekly

4. The desire to lose 5 lbs

5. Splenda

I'm sure you all have some too. So what are yours, Austinites and non-Austinites?

There are many vices for which I am (usually) on the side of Right: cigarettes, buckling my safety belt, reality shows (for which we must turn only to Bravo, home of classy reality television, with the occasional exception of Rock of Love or Keeping up with the Kardashians). And then there are plenty of things that are probably not exemplary but I am nowhere near giving up: hog-tying the cat, for instance (Oh stop. She loves it.)

Switching subjects - guess what I did, everybody? I discovered and have started using Google Analytics!! I can hardly express my excitement for learning what a "body tag" was in HTML-speak, so that I could properly install its tracking service. Isn't that sad? Things have truly taken a turn for the worse when you're excited about body tags.

Anyway, I discovered that people from 24 countries have read this blog! Wow! I was operating under the impression that pretty much only Austin people, i.e., my friends who I conned into it, as well as a handful of my buddies from California, were reading this. Like, 8 people or so. Apparently I'm wrong so you tell me, Alaska, or alternatively, South Africa, whose residents are mysteriously logging onto That Austin Girl on a fairly regular basis (thank you!): What would you like to see? Do you enjoy hearing about my atrocious eye makeup? The oddball delight that is Austin Craigslist? I mean, personally, I enjoy talking about ending the lives of swarming flies through a swift vaccuum-cleaner induced death, but maybe I'm shouting into a void there with unsavory things like that.

Or, if you're like me, you just enjoy being voyeuristic. And that's cool too.

Putting eggs in the Ann Patchett basket, and bees on Bear Grylls's face

Work-wise, Monday was so severely a Monday today.

You know when work gets so ludicrously insane that you must, out of necessity, go immerse yourself in something else? And then, it's usually to ambition-less effect - magazines, Mad Men, browsing Wikipedia, or whatever?

But on occasion, this happens.



Ann Patchett is one of my favorite writers. I read Bel Canto in India a few years ago, and Truth and Beauty during college. So far, I'm enchanted with Run. I'll tell you all about it as I get further in.

I'll tell you what's not enchanting, though.



Sorry to not give you any warning there. Guys, that is BEAR GRYLLS from "Man Vs. Wild!" Stung on the face by a bee in Baja!

I mean...are there words for this?

Also, remember the Daily Mail's expose last year calling Bear a hack? What say you now, Daily Mail?

Sometimes, I forget how thankful I am for the Feminist Movement.

I've just started watching Mad Men, y'all.



Apparently, our friend Jason knows someone in the cast - Jason, is it the second dude from the right? - but I've just caught on because of the whole 1,000 Emmy nominations thing everyone's talking about (it's actually more like 13).

For those of you who are catching on late, like me: The year is 1960. The heart of the show is an ad firm where all these guys work - and so do the ladies, as secretaries and office managers. Well, the woman pictured here, at least - the other women are little June Cleavers, taking care of the kids at home.

1950s-early 1960s culture was always a quaint spectre in my overall childhood development - I adored I Love Lucy, and I watched the hell out of some Nick at Nite: I Dream of Jeanie and Bewitched in particular. I'm wondering now if those shows were so funny to their original viewing audiences because they featured women at the helm. A woman, calling the shots?! Hilarious!!

Now granted, these were women dressed up in bimbos genie outfits, or accidentally getting drunk off Vitameatavegamin a la Lucy Ricardo, but still - women. As the main characters. The ones we're watching, the ones setting the terms of the show.

Back to Mad Men: The reason (one of the reasons) everyone loves it is because it's so damn realistic. And that goes for the man/woman relationships. For anyone like me, who grew up in the 1980s, decade of equal pay and shoulder pads, when Dad and Mom picked up their briefcases and went to work, it is fascinating to see how women were treated just twenty-thirty years prior. Like...seriously? Men could just stare at your ass in the elevator, and openly say things like, "well boys: sure am enjoying the view!" Or, your doctor could call you a "strumpet" (i.e. "slut") for requesting contraceptives?

With the advent of second-wave Feminist Movement firmly about 40 years behind us (first one: suffrage! You go, Susan B. Anthony), I don't think I ever fully appreciated what those ladies did for us. Sure, my jaw dropped when I took my first Feminist Studies class in college - you mean, almost every movie is filmed with the male gaze?! - but, I also never had a true point of reference. My doctor never called me a, uh, "strumpet." And - you're going to love this - I remember being in an English class in college, where some girl, a girl I really admire, who is now married to a semi-famous writer, turned her paper in with her own menses smeared on it. Deliberately. I think to make a point about female subjectivity...or something. And the professor didn't bat an eye.

So, Betty Friedan, Helene Cixous, Luce Irigaray, Carol Hanisch - thank you. Thank you for not only making it ok for my friend to turn in her English paper with menses smeared on it, but thank you for making housewifery optional. Bras too. For questioning the ways men and women talk to each other. For making it ok for ladies to stare at men's asses and enjoy the view. Daughters of the 80s, we take this stuff for granted. At least I know I do.

Lastly - Christina Hendricks. "Joan Holloway" on Mad Men. Wow, right?

The Dark Knight, Secret Diary, and holy shit - Greek Yogurt

Alright everyone, I've given a lot of thought to The Dark Knight, and what I'd like to tell you about it. I'm going to start with this quote as a jumping-off point:

"Do I really look like a man with a plan, Harvey? I don't have a plan. The mob has plans, the cops have plans. You know what I am, Harvey? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one. I just do things. I'm a wrench in the gears. I hate plans. Yours, theirs, everyone's. Maroni has plans. Gordon has plans. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I am not a schemer. I show schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are."

-The Joker, The Dark Knight

The Joker is explaining here to Gotham City's "white knight," district attorney Harvey Dent, why he is so maniacal. His whole aversion to "plans" - or "rules," as he soapboxes elsewhere in the movie - reminded me of something deeply philosophical. And I've been thinking. Could The Joker be a Taoist?

Consider this, from Taoist collection Hua Hu Ching: The Unknown Teachings of Lao Tzu -

"So who can be still and watch the chess game of the world? The foolish are always making impulsive moves, but the wise know that victory and defeat are decided by something more subtle. They see that something perfect exists before any move is made."

I was intrigued by the idea of The Joker as a sloppy, animalistic drunk before I saw the movie - his messy make-up and unsteady swagger humanize him to a degree we never saw with Jack Nicholson's cartoony, showy (but also haunting) Joker. Now, I've shifted views somewhat, and it's largely due to this (perhaps BS) Taoist hypothesis. Does The Joker see something perfect, as Lao Tzu says? If so, is that why he "just wants to watch the world burn" - to quote another memorable line - because he envisions perfect destruction? Even before the rest of us make our moves?

I don't know how willing I am to pursue this theory - just putting it on the table. Thoughts?

In another Batman news - Christian Bale was arrested for assault on his mother and sister today? WTF?

Shifting gears violently - ok, let's talk about BBC's Secret Diary guys!!



I'm obsessed with this show, and make R. watch it with me whenever new ones come through on Showtime. It's about a London call-girl, and it's a little more cheesy than it is sexy. Don't get me wrong - there's plenty of sex - but for every bare nipple, there's 50 lines of self-affirming, my-name-is-Woman monologue. Let's take tonight's episode.

So the main character - Hannah, or "Belle" as her "clients" call her - gets a bad internet review regarding her, eh, services. Work suffers. Her clients drop off. But it's all resolved in the end, when her best guy friend/boy she's secretly in love with - a cute Adrian Brodyesque chap named Ben - writes a glowing anonymous report on the same website. I don't remember it verbatim, but it was something like, "Men looking for tramps need not apply. Men looking for a real lady: welcome. Belle is the best a man can get." This, read over a sassy Motown soundtrack, and Belle winking adorably into the camera.

R., needless to say, was silent. His glowering stare, however, had this to say: "s-e-r-i-o-u-s-l-y can we please watch Deadliest Catch??"

Lastly. Does anyone here eat Greek yogurt? Here's a picture:



This shit robs me of speech. Seriously. They sell it at Le Heb (Hancock Center H-E-B), Whole Foods, and Central Market - probably at Sun Harvest and Wheatsville too. If you get it, get the honey flavor, and try not to moan or shed a single tear of joy or do anything else embarrassing. I'm just saying, it's really really REALLY good.

Let's talk about Project Chanology.

I knew I had seen these masks before.

But I didn't know what they meant. Until tonight that is, with the help of South Park and Wikipedia.

So around February of this year, I was driving down Guadalupe. I can't remember where I was headed, but I do remember seeing a whole block of these people in front of the UT Campus, wearing freaky masks and holding posters. One of them was holding a poster that said, "Honk if you hate Xenu." They were standing across the street from the Church of Scientology, on Guadalupe and 22nd St.

Fast-forward: R. and I are watching an old South Park tonight, one (of the many) where they were ripping on Scientology. It's the one where everyone thinks Stan is the second coming of L. Ron Hubbard, and the like, President of Scientology or something walks Stan through Scientologist doctrine: you know, aliens, space ships, volcanoes, etc. Then a tagline appeared at the bottom of the screen that said, "This is what Scientologists actually believe."

Being the Wikipedia nerd I am, I jumped up and grabbed my laptop just to confirm it for myself. Here is a segment from the Wikipedia entry:

"75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and..."

...And do you really need to hear anything else? Well, ok:

"...and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today."

Well, I think that pretty much says it all. (Even so, I thought you should still see a Scientology video of the whole volcano thing. Yes, I found this through Austin's very own Scientology website.)

But what I wanted to tell you guys about was not Scientology, but Project Chanology.

So on that same Wikipedia article, I came across this intriguing sub-entry that said "Scientology and the Internet." I clicked on it, and there's a guy wearing one of those Guy Fawkes/V from V for Vendetta masks. Apparently, in January, February, and April of this year, a group dubbing themselves "Project Chanology" (an offshoot of the larger, more well-known group Anonymous) launched a world-wide protest against Scientology - including one right here in Austin, y'all!

I'm just really fascinated by the whole internet-organized global protest thing. This group is made up of people from at least - but not limited to - Berlin, Paris, Dublin, London, and AUSTIN. And in addition to the street protests, they apparently disabled Scientology's computer server, sent black faxes, and...RICKROLLED!!!

Guys! Project Chanology IS responsible for the "rickroll" phenomenon. You know, you get a link to a seemingly relevant site, click on it, and suddenly you're greeted by Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up." Why, I'm not entirely sure. It's connection to Scientology? Again: fuzzy. If everyone's figured this out already and I'm just now catching on - sorry. But I'm going to sit here and be pumped for a minute, now that I've discovered the origin of rickrolling. Whoa!

Ok, so. Project Chanology's last big public demonstration was June 2008, in a protest involving pirate costumes. Again...pirates? What? Does it matter? All I know is: It's not the last protest. And as a matter of fact, here locally, more stuff is going down this summer.

Nick Hornby, Marc Summers, and the Wink

I felt a little mean and bitter for publicly chastising two whole demographics in Austin last week - douche bags and Hobby Lobby employees - so I wanted to tell you guys about someone I do like, for a change.



I've read most of Nick Hornby's books, although this is one is a little obscure. Doesn't it look like it came out in the 70s? (Try 2006. The publisher is hip little McSweeney's, headquartered in San Francisco, hence the coolly retro cover design). Anyway, it's a series of columns he wrote for the Believer about books and reading, all the while mocking the uber-pretentious staff at the Believer, but the subject matter's not important. Nick Hornby can write about pretty much anything as long as I get to hang out for a while, because he's so damn funny. Love you, Nick.

I was at the gym tonight reading Housekeeping Vs. The Dirt, laughing in such a way as to incur the envious sideways glances of my fellow elliptical exercisers, when someone flipped the overhead television channel to the Food Network.

Guys, do you remember Marc Summers? Double Dare? I remember when R. once told me Mark Summers had obsessive compulsive disorder, thinking, "cool. When's dinner?" Because the irony of Marc Summers' plight never struck me until tonight. Imagine: it's your job to work with cascading buckets of slime, and you have OCD. Does God hate you? When I saw his face forcibly grinning back at me from Food Network's Unwrapped - the show about candy factories, not as exciting as you'd think, not nearly as awesome as Double Dare - I saw, well maybe I'm imagining it. But I think I saw a little bit of Marc Summers' despair. "Help! I am obsessed with order and cleanliness, and someone's forcing me to host shows about slime and molten chocolate!!" Seriously, who's doing this to Marc?

Also at the gym - 24 Fitness at Hancock Center, by the way - there's a dude working the front desk who looks exactly like my sweet gay friend Jeff. His face and demeanor remind me so much of Jeff, in fact, that I've been pretending he is, sort of - exchanging little banter while he scans my card, waving goodbye when I leave the gym. But I think he's straight, not gay as I had hoped, because he's taken to flirting a bit (and R. - hi! - note the "he," not "we" in that sentence).

How do I know? I got a wink tonight. Jeff would never wink. Jeff's way too cool to wink, and besides, he would only do it to pretty boys if he was forced to.

This changes everything about Guy at Gym. Namely, his sexuality.